Dan’s Story

So, I was born into a white, catholic, pretty well to do family. I was very hyperactive as a child, and I think there was some trouble dealing with me. Skip forward to sophomore year in high school, when I moved out and got into drugs. My friends were party kids who came out of blue-collar families. Some of their parents did drugs too. We got into all kinds of trouble.

Somewhere along the way, I met some legit satanic kids, who did not at all like that I grew up Catholic. I was still naïve, and didn’t think much of their spiritual choices. Sometime around meeting these people, I started having my first hallucinations. I was hearing voices and having visions. They were always bad.

I discovered shortly thereafter that a trigger for my psychosis was in fact cannabis. I stopped smoking weed mostly, I was really sad about having to quit smoking, so I would try periodically hoping that I wouldn’t have that same reaction. I learned that if I wanted to medicate, I needed other drugs. I started getting into cocaine and meth. Cocaine really cured me while I was high, but of course it was very expensive and the come down was excruciating. Besides being highly illegal, it was also dangerous.

Work was nearly impossible by that point. I was a framing carpenter by then, but I couldn’t make it work longer than a couple months at a time, usually only a week or two. I was growing in psychosis. In my head there were angels and demons everywhere, especially on the job site. I could see them. Lucky for me, framing jobs are the absolute easiest jobs to get. All you have to do is be willing to work and they’ll hire you, no questions asked. 

Around this time, I wanted to join the army with my cousin, but the medication I was on at this point was not acceptable for military service. I tried to come off my meds so that I could join, but my illness spiked. The worst three months of my life followed, and I found myself in a mental hospital. After a lot of evaluations and stabilizing me with meds, they diagnosed me schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type and put me back out on the streets. Luckily, I had a place to stay, but the utilities were off except the water.

At this point, I was introduced to LAIs or long acting injectables. They changed my life. No more forgetting pills and deciding “I feel good today. I’m not gonna take them.” I got off the street drugs permanently about four years later, and haven’t looked back. 

I’m on disability now, which is not ideal, but with the cost of medications and symptoms like impaired gating and stress induced psychotic fear, I think it’s best to stay on disability. I’ve recently quit smoking and I’ve cut down drinking substantially. I have taken up exercise and eating healthy. I lost 40 pounds before I quit smoking. I’ve gained some of it back, but I’m excited to say it’s not gonna be permanent.

I’ve made some new friends and changed my lifestyle enough to know I’m blessed these days. Some of my choices in the past I’d like to change, but I’d be a different person, and I like who I am.

Peace and all good to you, my friends.